Old people

So it has come to my attention that various old people have been reading my blog. So in an attempt to have my blog become old person friendly i have made a convenient little cheat sheet for them. In the future i may use some or all of these abbreviations in my posts and want to make sure the elderly will be able to understand.

Old Person Interweb Lingo Cheat Card

Lol - Laugh out loud
Omg - Oh my gosh
Stfu - Shut the frick up
Rofl - Rolling on floor laughing
Diaf - Die in a fire
Fol - Fart out loud
Opa - Old person alert
Omw - On my way
Brb - Be right back
Afk - Away from keyboard
Btw - By the way
Atm - At the moment
Gtfo - Get the frick out
Ywahd -You want a hot dog?
Ftw - For the win
Ftl - For the lose


I hope that this helps. And for only 3 easy payments of $7.99 I have a printable version that fits in your wallet so you can be in the know wherever you are! Email me for more details.

I was attacked by a Squirrel

Story time.

So Kevin, Jeff and I had just moved into our new apartment in Fairfax, Va. We had just gone to the store to pick up some toilet paper. When we got home there was a squirrel on the stairs leading up the apartment. Upon examination we noticed that he had a big ole fishhook stuck in his mouth, being humanitarians we thought we would help the little guy out and remove the fishhook for him. so Jeff went to the stairs on the far side and we attempted to corner him to try to get the hook out (for future reference, cornering a squirrel is a bad idea).

We were making pretty good progress in capturing him to free him from his hook, but then he snapped. I was standing right outside our apartment on the 2nd floor, and Jeff was moving in on him on the 3rd floor. This was when ole fishhook made a break for it. With a crazy look in his eye he ran down the stairs at about 300 miles per hours and jumped right onto my foot. Not wanting the squirrel to do what come natural to him and go for the nuts, i leaped in the air and screamed (a deep manly scream), and fishhook decided he didn't want all 200 pounds of me to come down on him and took off at 300 miles per hour into the little woods by our house. Me, having jumped 4 feet in the air landed on the very slippery ground and slipped and bruised me knee.

So the moral of the story is never try to help a squirrel with a fishhook in his mouth and a giant pair of crazy eyes or you will hurt your knee.



Lucky for you guys I got a picture of ole fishhook after the incident occurred (that is the blood from my knee dripping from his mouth)

I am the worlds best parallel parker.

So, i was driving in inner city Philadelphia the other day, when i found the place i needed to get to, i discovered the parking was slim, very slim. There was one very small spot nearby, other than that the next closest was probably quarter mile away, so i decided to make that tiny spot mine. When i got up next to the spot i realized why it was the only empty spot anywhere close, it was very tight. After judging that my car could just barely fit, i began my approach. With expert precision i worked my way into the spot. It took only the initial pull in, plus going back and forth two times until my car was in the spot perfectly. Six inches from the curb, one foot to spare in the back, and two in the front. It was a thing of beauty. And i wasn't the only one to notice, after getting out of my car a young man who had been sitting on his porch said "That was pretty smooth". And i couldn't help but to agree.

Prior to leaving after my business there was done i considered taking a photo to prove my awesomeness. But there were quite a few people roaming around and i didn't want to look like a fool. So i remembered exactly what it looked like and drew you a picture.




And that's the truth.

Hello

Hello and welcome to the blog. If you are here you probably already know me, but if not and i have just become some famous blogger than hello to you strangers. Read on as you wish, if you don't like it or agree with me, deal with it.